teach your girl to say no, to spit no like fire, to never apologize for it. her spine: NO. her fists: NO. her teeth all NO together.

but first and more importantly, teach your boy to see no, hear no, understand no before it’s spelled out for him. have him take “no” easily, not as an excuse to keep trying.

have him feel “no” like a change in the air so that he can infer it without so much as a word. don’t settle for no as just as the dictionary definition, show him no in body language, in “i’d rather not,” in “yes, but i’m drunk.”

teach him that “no” is not “convince me,” teach him to accept it gently, without violence, without feeling that he’s having something “denied” to him. “no” is not “take it from my fingers.” no is a shrug, is “i’m not sure,” no is a look, a scared smile, a terrified giggle. No is in the pocket of her clothes, no matter what they look like.

have him assume “no,” not “yes, unless otherwise stated.” girls are not swings on the playground, he cannot be upset when they don’t “share” themselves with him. there is no sharing, she is not an object. of a girl he sees on the street who doesn’t give him her number or react well to what he calls her: teach him she is not taking from him what is due, she is not denying him, she has never and will never belong to him. she will be his only after explicit and repeated consent and only by that alone. 

do me a favor

teach him no.